Sunday, May 22, 2005

D'accord, nous n'allons vous montrer aucun vin francais!

A man and his wife came in to the shop yesterday, and the wife described to me what kind of wine she was looking for. "Something cool and refreshing, and a little sweet, but not too sweet," she said. Considering that most people who amble in can no more describe what they want then they can explain chaos theory, I decided she was savvy enough to try something besides cheap American reisling. I immediately thought of a Cabernet D'Anjou Rose that I had, so I took her over to it and began to describe it to her. She was convinced it was just the thing, and had it in her hand, when her husband came over and said, "Yeah, uh, can we maybe find something similar from another country?"

The wife shifted her feet and mumbled, "Oh, yeah, we're not drinking French wine." she said; and as she looked over the bottle disappointedly, the husband grinned stupidly.

And what did he say next?

"Yeah, well, I'm usually a liberal, but I really love O'Reilly. He tells it like it is."

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Okay, look: if you think that echewing French wine is a sufficient statement of Patriotism, you go right ahead. After all, nothing will stick it to those surrender monkeys like turning your nose up at Cotes Du Rhone. That'll show that bastard, Chirac! Once he sees the great decline in French wine sales, he'll wring his hands, lamenting the day he ever crossed the Mighty Bush.

Chances are, your Yellow Tail swilling ass never laid lips on a decent French wine anyway.

I'm always tempted, at the risk of joining the unemployment line: So, hey, you are obviously a sincere American Patriot. Tell me: did you vote in the last election? No, not the one for the President, the last local election. The one about the smoking ban? And the community college? No? Well, what about this: can you name your congressperson? How about your Senator? Your mayor? Will Wynn? Hey, that's right! Easy name to remember, right? How 'bout this: how many seats are in the US Senate? The House? Don't know? Hmm...okay...well, what about this: when was the first time you decided to boycott French products? Please don't tell me it was after you read this article from July 2004, where O'Reilly shames his readers into complying with his idea of a Patriotic boycott by pointing out all the ways that Chirac "block(s) efforts by the USA and Britain to bring stability to former dictatorships and make it more difficult for homicidal terrorists to operate".
Do you really believe that Chirac was all up in his office, wringing his hands with a villanous smile, thinking, "How can I make sure that stability in Iraq never comes to pass? How can I make sure that homicidal terrorists continue to operate?" Give me a fucking break.

But I rant digressively. My point is this: if you think you're doing your patriotic duty by giving a local wine merchant sass over French wine, you're---how can I say this politely?---full of unfathomable amounts of shit.

Wine in your local store has already been purchased. By eschewing it, you're sticking it to your local retailer. If you want to do something Patriotic, try some of these less convenient but vastly more useful ideas:

1) Keep yourself informed. This means taking the time to glean truth from several different credible news sources, not just the Fox Network, CNN, America Left/Right Radio, the Daily Show, or your favorite personality guy (Bill O'Reilly, Al Franken, or whoever).

2) Vote in your local elections. You know, the ones that 'don't matter'? It's your duty as an American, stupid!

3) Volunteer your time. Food Pantry, AIDS patients, WTF ever. Make a difference, Talk Boy!

4) Understand the Other Side. If you only listen to whichever talking heads agree with you, you don't know jack shit. And don't listen to their talking heads, either. Talk to real people you work with, live next to, that think differently from you, and HEAR what they say; shut your arrogant, all-knowing cake-hole and LISTEN.

Goodness me, but I digress again. Here's a link to check out on the controversy of America vs. France, and how long it's gone on:
http://www.uncommonknowledge.org/900/928.html

For a rather engaging adventure into the French winemaker's spirit, courage and cleverness during the Nazi occupation, read 'Wine and War' by Donald and Petie Kladstrup.

Now, drink your Minervois and STF up.

Clinkies.

4 Comments:

Blogger Japan-O-Matic! said...

Gawd, I cannot believe people are still carrying on about that... I'm sure not telling them what you *really* think takes a monumental act of self-control. How do you do it??

"cake-hole"...hehehe!

C.

7:05 PM  
Blogger jens at cincinnati wine said...

I have a box at the shop for all those patriots to dump their French wine which I will properly dispose of. Stop by some Saturday after hours while we properly dispose of said problematic wines!

jens at cincinnati wine garage

8:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

French wine region is the best wine region in the world!

6:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

She seems to be real wine lover:)

8:23 AM  

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